if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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