Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
