if i can run in heels then i can drive
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
