Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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