Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
