whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
