Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
