Im at strip club and am horny
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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