Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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