She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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