I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
