Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
