i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
