sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
