so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
