Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
