I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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