if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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