Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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