well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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