I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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