she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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