I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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