Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
