I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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