just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
