he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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