i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
