Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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