Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
nutella sex= disaster
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Shame is for Republicans.
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