They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
