Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
