You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
