Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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