My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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