i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
