got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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