i was born a porn star she said
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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