He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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