...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
