Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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