Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
