Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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