So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
