Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
