you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
