She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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