I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
