my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
