sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
