one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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