yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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