ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
