so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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