Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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