I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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