see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize