My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
