I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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