Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
