thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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