My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
