a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
