matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
