You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
