The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
